AFIH -Associate Fellow in Industrial Health
Accredited by Director General of Factory Advisory Services and Labour Institute
Ministry of Labour,
Government of IndiaNational Model Centre for Occupational Health Services
Bharat Heavy Electricals Limited
Tiruchirappalli - 620 014
Eligibility for Admission:
MBBS Degree from an Institution recognised by the Medical Council of India.
2. Completion of Internship.
3. Permanent Registration with the State Medical Council/Medical Council of India.
4. Minimum one year experience in Industry/Occupational health related work or 2 years in generalpractice after completion of internship.
seats: 25
fee
Rs.15,000
Accommodation will be provided at the BHEL Premises at a nominal cost (approximately Rs.500per month). A common mess for food will be available on sharing basis. Expenses (for travel,accommodation, etc.) for Industrial visits to industries in Tamil Nadu will have to be borne by thecandidates. Refundable Caution Deposit towards mess, library and hostel (approximately Rs. 2000)will have to be paid at the time of admission
Admission Process:
Interested candidates should apply in the prescribed form available as ‘tear-off’ slip or which can bedownloaded from the BHEL Corporate website (www.bhel.com).
Applications, complete in all respects,along with attested photo copies of certificates should be sent to the Course Director, AFIH COURSE.
Applicants working in Govt. / Public Sector undertakings / Autonomous Bodies, etc., should apply throughproper channel. Incomplete applications will be summarily rejected
Course duration
Three months
For more information, please contact:
Dr NK Chandrasekaran
Course Director,
AFIH Course,
National Model Centre for Occupational Health Services
Bharat Heavy Electricals Limited
Tiruchirappalli - 620 014.
Phone: (0431) 2520375, 2574504 Fax : (0431) 2520296
email: nkc@bheltry.co.in
please be advised that this is to let drs know about this course......kindly contact the address above for complete details
Saturday, January 5, 2008
SIGN BOARDS
At the entrance of the large machinery plant:
Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist.
Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
In a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits - $100 - They won't last an hour!
In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard — bell out of order.)
On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy
Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk and sell antiques.
Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.
Outside a second-hand store: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
Moscow hotel lobby across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
Roman doctor's office: Specialist in women and other diseases.
Sweden: in the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist.
Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
In a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits - $100 - They won't last an hour!
In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard — bell out of order.)
On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy
Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk and sell antiques.
Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.
Outside a second-hand store: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
Moscow hotel lobby across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
Roman doctor's office: Specialist in women and other diseases.
Sweden: in the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
GOD'S WAYS!
Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods.
They were discussing their hopes and dreams when
thefirst tree said, "Someday I hope to be a treasurechest. I could be filled with gold, silver andprecious gems. I could be decorated with intricatecarving and everyone would see the beauty."
Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the watersand sail to the corners of the world. Everyone willfeel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."
Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to mybranches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me."
After a few years of praying that their dreams wouldcome true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees.
When one came to the first tree he said, "This lookslike a strong tree, I think I should be able to sellthe wood to a carpenter" ... and he began cutting itdown.
The tree was happy, because he knew that thecarpenter would make him into a treasure chest.
At the second tree a woodsman said, "This looks like astrong tree, I should be able to sell it to theshipyard."
The second tree was happy because he knewhe was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.
When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the treewas frightened because he knew that if they cut himdown his dreams would not come true.
One of thewoodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from mytree so I'll take this one", and he cut it down.
When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he wasmade into a feed box for animals. He was then placedin a barn and filled with hay. This was not at allwhat he had prayed for.
The second tree was cut andmade into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being amighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end.
Thethird tree was cut into large pieces and left alone inthe dark. The years went by, and the trees forgotabout their dreams.
Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in thefeed box that was made from the first tree.
The manwished that he could have made a crib for the baby,but this manger would have to do. The tree could feelthe importance of this event and knew that it had heldthe greatest treasure of all time. Years later, agroup of men got in the fishing boat made from thesecond tree.
One of them was tired and went to sleep.While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keepthe men safe. '
The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At thistime, the tree knew that it had carried the King ofKings in its boat.
Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It wascarried through the streets as the people mocked theman who was carrying it.
When they came to a stop, theman was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill.
When Sunday came, the treecame to realize that it was strong enough to stand atthe top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.
The moral of this story is that
when things don't seemto be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you.
If you place your trust in Him, He will giveyou great gifts.
Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. '
We don't always know what God's plans are for us.
We justknow that His ways are not our ways, but His ways arealways best.
They were discussing their hopes and dreams when
thefirst tree said, "Someday I hope to be a treasurechest. I could be filled with gold, silver andprecious gems. I could be decorated with intricatecarving and everyone would see the beauty."
Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the watersand sail to the corners of the world. Everyone willfeel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."
Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to mybranches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me."
After a few years of praying that their dreams wouldcome true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees.
When one came to the first tree he said, "This lookslike a strong tree, I think I should be able to sellthe wood to a carpenter" ... and he began cutting itdown.
The tree was happy, because he knew that thecarpenter would make him into a treasure chest.
At the second tree a woodsman said, "This looks like astrong tree, I should be able to sell it to theshipyard."
The second tree was happy because he knewhe was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.
When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the treewas frightened because he knew that if they cut himdown his dreams would not come true.
One of thewoodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from mytree so I'll take this one", and he cut it down.
When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he wasmade into a feed box for animals. He was then placedin a barn and filled with hay. This was not at allwhat he had prayed for.
The second tree was cut andmade into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being amighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end.
Thethird tree was cut into large pieces and left alone inthe dark. The years went by, and the trees forgotabout their dreams.
Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in thefeed box that was made from the first tree.
The manwished that he could have made a crib for the baby,but this manger would have to do. The tree could feelthe importance of this event and knew that it had heldthe greatest treasure of all time. Years later, agroup of men got in the fishing boat made from thesecond tree.
One of them was tired and went to sleep.While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keepthe men safe. '
The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At thistime, the tree knew that it had carried the King ofKings in its boat.
Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It wascarried through the streets as the people mocked theman who was carrying it.
When they came to a stop, theman was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill.
When Sunday came, the treecame to realize that it was strong enough to stand atthe top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.
The moral of this story is that
when things don't seemto be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you.
If you place your trust in Him, He will giveyou great gifts.
Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. '
We don't always know what God's plans are for us.
We justknow that His ways are not our ways, but His ways arealways best.
THE PROBLEM WITH GIRLS
If u TREAT her nicely, she says u are IN LOVE with her;If u Don't she says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, she says u are trying to LURE her;
If u Don't, she says u are from Bangalore.
If u ARGUE with her, she says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET,! she says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than her, she'll lose FACE;
If she's Smarter than u, she is GREAT.
If u don't Love her, she tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love her, she will try to LEAVE u .(very true huh?)
If u don't make love with her., she says! u don't Love her;
If u do!! she says u are CHEAP.
If u tell her your PROBLEM, she says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u don't, she says that u don't TRUST her.
If u SCOLD her, u are like a CHACHA to her;
If she SCOLDS u, it is because she CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If she BREAKS hers, she is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD BOY;
If she SMOKES, she is a GENTLELADY.
If u do WELL in your exams, she says it's LUCK;
If she does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT her, u are CRUEL;
If she HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!! & sooo > > hard to please!!!!!
If u show this to girls, they will swear that it's not true.......
but if u don't, they say u are selfish.....
The moral of the story is....... SHOW THIS TO GIRLS OUT ANYWAY...
Send it to boys also, gives them some laughter ...
Words to remember for a while
Boys are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The girls don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground, that aren't as good, but easy.
So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing.
That is why we just have to be a little patient and the right girl, the one who takes a chance to find the good, right apple, will come someday
WHO DIES?
"Dies a bithe who doesn't travel,
he who doesn't read,
he who doesn't listen to music,
he who doesn't find humor in himself.
Dies a bit
he who destroys his own love,
he who doesn't allow himself to help.
Dies a bit
he who passes the days complaining of his bad luck
or detesting the never ending rain.
Dies a bit
he who abandons a project before starting it,
he who does not ask because of fear to make a fool out of himself
he who does not answer a question he knows the answer to.
We keep avoiding death,
reminding us that to be alive requires an effort much greater
than the simple fact of breathing.
Only the ardent patience will help us conquer a splendid happness.It
all depends on how we live it"
Pablo Neruda (Nobel Prize for literature 1971)
Friday, January 4, 2008
I AM AUTOFELLOW
i hope no intro is required........ENJOYI am autofellow autofellow
Four knowing route fellow
Justice having rate fellow
Good people mix fellow
Nice singing song fellow
Gandhi borning country fellow
Stick take means hunter fellow
Big people's relation fellow
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am all poor's relative fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Town become big, population become big
Bus expecting, half age over
Life become hectic in time, exist in corner of street
Ada eye beat means love coming they telling
You hand clap means auto coming I telling
Front coming look, this three-wheel chariot
Good come and arrive, you trust and climb up
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Mummy motherfolk, danger not leave
Heat or cyclone, never I never tell
There there hunger take means, many savoury
Measurement food is one time
For pregnancy I come free mummy
Your child also name one I keep mummy
Letter lacking person ada trusting us and coming
Address lacking street ada auto fellow knowing
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only
Four knowing route fellow
Justice having rate fellow
Good people mix fellow
Nice singing song fellow
Gandhi borning country fellow
Stick take means hunter fellow
Big people's relation fellow
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am all poor's relative fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Town become big, population become big
Bus expecting, half age over
Life become hectic in time, exist in corner of street
Ada eye beat means love coming they telling
You hand clap means auto coming I telling
Front coming look, this three-wheel chariot
Good come and arrive, you trust and climb up
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Mummy motherfolk, danger not leave
Heat or cyclone, never I never tell
There there hunger take means, many savoury
Measurement food is one time
For pregnancy I come free mummy
Your child also name one I keep mummy
Letter lacking person ada trusting us and coming
Address lacking street ada auto fellow knowing
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only
INTERESTED IN SHARE MARKET?
Its common to have heard about share market these days.........
for many it is greek and latin....
they do not know where to start, how to start......also many do not know about basics of share market.....
here is a website for those intrested .......
in the tutorial section of this website u can download all the basics and almost all topics free in pdf format after registering
though it is not an indian site,......the market basics are the same
try this site and let me know if it was useful!!
http://www.investopedia.com
for many it is greek and latin....
they do not know where to start, how to start......also many do not know about basics of share market.....
here is a website for those intrested .......
in the tutorial section of this website u can download all the basics and almost all topics free in pdf format after registering
though it is not an indian site,......the market basics are the same
try this site and let me know if it was useful!!
http://www.investopedia.com
STUPID QUESTIONS
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You te! ll a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly
Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it"
Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher"
Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frank ly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died"
Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.
Teacher : " Georg! e Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You te! ll a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly
Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it"
Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher"
Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frank ly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died"
Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.
Teacher : " Georg! e Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
DOCTOR!
Doctor, please hurry.
My son swallowed a razor-blade."
"Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?"
"Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."
_____
"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"
_____
"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
"Yes, of course..."
"Great! I never could before!"
_____
Man speaks frantically into the phone,
"My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?"
the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
_____
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results.
They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
_____
A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.
He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill.
After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says.
"Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?" the man asks.
"10..." says the doctor.
"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.
"10...9...8...7..."
_____
A man walks into a doctor's office.
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
_____
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor,
"be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts."
Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."
Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and
told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."
My son swallowed a razor-blade."
"Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?"
"Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."
_____
"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"
_____
"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
"Yes, of course..."
"Great! I never could before!"
_____
Man speaks frantically into the phone,
"My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?"
the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
_____
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results.
They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
_____
A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.
He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill.
After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says.
"Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?" the man asks.
"10..." says the doctor.
"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.
"10...9...8...7..."
_____
A man walks into a doctor's office.
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
_____
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor,
"be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts."
Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."
Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and
told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."
Thursday, January 3, 2008
WHY ME?
Arthur Ashe,
the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got
due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.
From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of whichconveyed:
"Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?
To this Arthur Ashe replied:
The world over --
50M children start playingtennis,
5M learn to play tennis,
500,000 learn professional tennis,
50,000come to the circuit,
5,000 reach the grand slam,
50 reach Wimbledon,
4 to semi final,
2 to the finals,
When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD"Why me?".
And today in pain I! should not be asking GOD "Why me?"
Happiness keeps you Sweet,
Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrow keeps you Human,
Failure Keeps you Humble,
Success keeps you Glowing,
But only God Keeps you Going.....
Keep Going.....
due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.
From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of whichconveyed:
"Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?
To this Arthur Ashe replied:
The world over --
50M children start playingtennis,
5M learn to play tennis,
500,000 learn professional tennis,
50,000come to the circuit,
5,000 reach the grand slam,
50 reach Wimbledon,
4 to semi final,
2 to the finals,
When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD"Why me?".
And today in pain I! should not be asking GOD "Why me?"
Happiness keeps you Sweet,
Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrow keeps you Human,
Failure Keeps you Humble,
Success keeps you Glowing,
But only God Keeps you Going.....
Keep Going.....
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