Saturday, January 5, 2008

SIGN BOARDS


At the entrance of the large machinery plant:
Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist.
Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
In a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits - $100 - They won't last an hour!
In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard — bell out of order.)
On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy
Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk and sell antiques.
Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.
Outside a second-hand store: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
Moscow hotel lobby across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
Roman doctor's office: Specialist in women and other diseases.
Sweden: in the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

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